I think this is one of those freakishly
rare moments where I’m having to think excessively before I speak! Does not
feel good for a spontaneous mind like mine.....but what I have to say...is
probably the most important thing in my life right now...so I have to say it
right!!
My life is coming to an end....I mean
it,.....my old-I don’t give a damn-chalta hai-whoooooo life is coming to an end.
I’m never gonna be a student again (dats for sure! never wanna touch a book
again). The point is..."I am so jobless", was a phrase that was very commonly used in my life when everything was normal..like when I was back in college few weeks ago...now, that I AM jobless having graduated, I have begun to wonder how I kept trying to avoid thinking about this day..... don't get it? God people I AM OFFICIALLY AN ADULT NOW!!!! AND I DON'T WANT TO BE!!!!!!! AARRGGHHH!!
Was that clear enough?
What this phase demands from me is to pick up my socks, strap my belt, clean my nose and gear up to jump into the slushy, murky, black swamp.....also called the "real world" by some great people. I have been a happy go lucky bugger all my life...there was never any place for seriousness, I was famous for finding the funny in the formal!!!! I cant believe I use to crib about going to classes, but now as I am sending my resumes and going for job interviews, pondering over the salary and the job profile.....one question keeps orbiting in my brain....."Do I like have to do this? Now"
Trust me, I feel like slapping myself when this happens, I mean, for god sakes, college is over and there is a whole new life filled with possibilities and untapped niches of success and opportunities for me to discover.........and here I am, on my bed......falling asleep googling sparkly gif wallpapers! Pathetic or what???
You can call it escapism....if you want to, coz....that is what I am doing! I am running away! Running away from the fact that the time for fun n games is over, the time to crib and cry over silly things is over, the time to loaf around with your friends is friggin over!!! And that I have to get a great job, find a great house, get great....okay at least decent money, pay my own bills, wash my own clothes, cook my own food.......PAY TAXES!!!! Reality has never really been my best friend.....I hate the acidity it gives me.......explains why I love Harry Potter so much!
But I wonder is it just me? Coz honestly most of pals seem damn excited and some are literally bouncing of the walls in sheer delight contemplating their futures! Also is it that bad that I am not feeling the heat? that I am relaxing and leaving everything to fate?? Wow! I do sound like some lazy bum!!
A really good friend has been trying to talk me through this......trying to put some of her well tended fire into me, that I should quit hiding under my sheets in my safe and cozy room and step out in the scorching sun and sweat a little.....embrace the truth or at least shake hands with it! I know that it's not gonna be easy out there, and maybe that's the scariest part, but then again I have to slay my own dragons right? So lets see how this works out.... dreadful as it sounds....I'm gonna jump into this swamp with my arms wide open and a giant smile plastered on my face............hope the landing doesn't hurt too much!!!
peace!! :)
